“Your house is basically a toddler death trap.”
I can’t remember which friend jokingly described our home to me in this way, but I vividly remember it striking me: “Yes, that’s a pretty fair assessment.”
I don’t know how long you’ve been reading The Gathered Home, but I never want to give the impression that I have all of the answers or that I’m an expert in much of anything (except Craigslist, in which I believe I’ve earned my black belt).
It probably goes without saying, but I don’t have any interior design credentials or professional experience. I decorate my home the way I want to, with things that I love, and I do consider myself extremely lucky that my husband Bryan has given me mostly carte blanche with style choices: if I’m happy, he’s happy.
Over the years, I’ve learned to give myself carte blanche as well – the freedom to make my unique choices without the fear of what other people will think.
I’ve thrived under the boldness that comes with this liberty of self-expression. My style has evolved and adapted and I’ve had the chance to try all sorts of wild and crazy things in my home and decide whether or not they work for me.
I’ve been having the time of my life decorating for myself, and the truth is, “myself” is a 27-year-old woman with no children and certain decorating similarities to that stereotypical grandmother with tchotchkes everywhere and a sofa wrapped in plastic.
I’ll be honest, mamas: I don’t think my 100-year-old mustard velvet couch has a prayer against peanut butter and jelly fingers. And maybe you’ve thought the same.
You see, I don’t know what I don’t know. My life experience so far is a husband, who’s admittedly pretty hard on throw pillows, and two demanding cats that I sometimes compare to toddlers (although I think that’s hardly fair to the toddlers).
And I’ve always known that perhaps my upholstery choices and affinity for breakable decorative objects everywhere wouldn’t end up being ideal for children, but I figured parents generally have time to grow into that – to baby-proof, assess furniture practicality, and learn to adapt their decor to a style that doesn’t encourage survival of the fittest.
Toddler vs. the burl dining room table – place your bets! Toddler’s weapon of choice: crayons and lipstick. Table’s meager defense: Brynne’s tears of anguish.
So here’s what this post isn’t: it’s not a pregnancy announcement, although we do hope for children one day.
It’s just a confession: I don’t take child-friendliness into consideration when I decorate, and I’m realizing that needs to change.
Up until now, we haven’t had many people in our circle of friends with young children or even babies, but that has recently changed. We moved, found a new church, got plugged into a wonderful group of people, and now there are ten children that we interact with on a regular basis.
And I love kids, I really do! I get such a kick out of their their energy and their perspectives and the answers they come up with to their questions about the world.
And then I watch them wobble around and fall, or take off to explore, and I’m filled with dread because…
My house is a toddler death trap.
And I hate feeling like I can’t even open my home up to my friends because I’m that crazy lady who basically lives in an antique store where nothing can be touched, with signs warning parents to keep their children with them at all times. (I fall short of outlawing large bags and backpacks, but still…)
I’ve been wrestling with this lately and I’ve come face to face with a few harsh truths:
This isn’t what I believe a home should be. Certainly, first and foremost, it should be a place of refuge and comfort for the people who live inside it. But secondly, I want it to be a place of warm welcome to visiting family and friends, where they can relax and feel at ease.
I’ve grown rather selfish with my house. While I think it’s a good thing that over the years, I’ve learned to embrace my own style and run with it, it has also allowed me to develop blind spots.
When I was little, my younger sister and I shared a dollhouse. She wanted to play with the dolls and act out their daily lives; I wanted to set everything up just so and leave it, a perfect vignette frozen in time.
Twenty years later, that’s still my first impulse – I just have a slightly larger canvas for my decorating still life paintings.
I believe that good things are meant to be shared. Bryan and I have more than we need: more space, more things. And really what is the point of that if not to turn around and share the good things in our life with others? How lonely to create my picture-perfect, life-sized dollhouse and just pose inside!
We want to be able to throw open our door, to embrace community and fellowship, and use the gifts we’ve been given to love other people.
I want my couch to simply be a place to seat friends, my table to be a platform for good food and a circle of conversation – and yes, they can also be objects of art in their own right, but they should absolutely not be obstacles to hospitality!
And I want to be able to say to my friends with children, “Come on over!” and enjoy their company and the fun and energy that fills our house, without worrying about my “precious” things that truly aren’t anywhere near as precious as building relationships.
Honestly, I’m not sure how much will change around here, but I do know that I’ve definitely had a change of perspective, and I value the chance to chat through it all with you here!
I’d love to hear details of how you make your home child friendly – whether for your own children or visiting kiddos – especially if, like me, you have a love for gathering curios and knickknacks.
(And for the record, when it comes to actual safety concerns, I do make sure to do things like anchor bookcases to the wall!)
P.S. Can I just add – we are having a fantastic discussion about this on Instagram right here. I’m loving hearing everyone’s thoughts and ideas!
Brynne, You and I are a lot alike, from a taste and design sensibility. At t36, I became a mom, and a year later, a mom again. One of the first compromises was no coffee table at all! A low table just puts electronic controls and cups of beverage right in toddler reach zone. Not to mention a lot of hard edge to bang heads on. The second compromise was the purchase of many many vitrines and storage pieces which I used to display my majolica collection and other tchotckes. That also helped with the dusting issue, since I had very little time to clean all that junk..er, stuff.
Lastly..velvet is awesome and a plush green velvet sofa is something I’ve long coveted. But leather is far more durable and forgiving of grubby little paws..of any species..and all the little speckles and scratches can coalesce into a wonderful patination over time..At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
Your realization that your home is a tool for living and not a collectors cabinet is a gift of maturity. Keep on blogging..I love your insights!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, Elizabeth! I find them very encouraging and so practical and helpful! It will definitely be interesting to see how our home evolves for our own kids we hope to have – and in the meantime, I’ll do my best to make it friendly for the children of our friends and family!
WOW- this is sort of major, Brynne! but as someone who has 3 dogs, 2 kids, a husband and 2 velvet sofas, I will say that velvet is amazing and cleans beautifully! Try it before you toss it!!!!!!
No worries, I don’t see our velvet sofas going anywhere at the moment! But, I would LOVE to hear how you clean yours – that’s valuable info, my friend! The mustard sofa came with some stains and while an upholstery cleaner did a great job removing them, it left behind its own marks.
I really have no idea how much things will change around here – the biggest change might just be mental and emotional as I confront my reluctant hospitality. I just know that I want to be able to welcome family and friends with no reservations – and maybe just a few minor house rules 😉
Brynne,
I think you have little to worry about. I grew up in a home and raised my daughter in a home with nice furniture and breakables. We also had lots of friends over to the house. I’m sure my mother and I broke and spilled more things as adults than my daughter and I ever broke as children! I’m someone who hands out coasters obsessively, we don’t have white sofas and I’m trying to get rid of the carpet but we eat and drink coffee and red wine in every room of our house. There will probably be a few adjustments when you have children but I think you have a good start on that with your feline inhabitants. We have 3 cats,2 dogs and a grown daughter. In my experience cats are the only family members who do not respond at all to barriers or discipline. I’m quite sure you will figure it out as you go along!
You’re so sweet, Kathy! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouragement!
And you’re so right – the cats can’t be controlled or reasoned with, and I do spend a lot of time picking up after their mischief and switching things around, since one loves to bat anything off countertops and tabletops! 😀
Great post Brynne. Here is what I’ll add: Most kids will follow generally what they see their parents doing. I kept almost everything around the kids. Plants, small items, breakables, etc. around the kids and reinforced how important it was to maintain these items. My parents did the same for me. I still have 2 littles (3 and 5 years old) and I can’t remember anything breaking but a toy. Now, the teenager…..that’s who you need to worry about. Those sneaky teens will break and try to put it together with superglue. (guilty for me as well). My teenager has spilled nailpolish remover on our coffee table and still to this day does not admit she did it!!! OF COURSE IT WAS HER! She’s my step daughter so I only take somewhat of the responsibility of teaching her, but at the end of the day you will see later that the kids will be kids and items can always be replaced. ….some of them
Oh my gosh, that’s too funny! That reminds me of when my little sister walked out of a room we had just painted with white fingers and immediately held up her hands defensively, “I didn’t touch the paint!” Hahahaha.
Thanks for sharing, Stephanie! Very encouraging!
I’ve been kid-proofing our new house as we are in the same stage of life… no kids yet, but nieces and friends’ kids who I want to welcome in without fear of them getting hurt. Which meant the glass bar cart with all my pretty (very breakable) dishes had to go… it now holds stuff in my office where I can easily shut the door. Sacrifices like this are nothing compared to the sweet sound of children’s laughter in my home! Plus, I know that someday we’ll have kids of our own and I’ll need to do this kind of thing anyway. However, I did have my mom and mother-in-law over last night and they both were shocked that my medicine drawer was so low and that I had cleaners stored under my sinks—apparently both big no-nos for child safety!! Good to know!
So true, Heather – relationships are infinitely more valuable! Thank you for sharing how you’re making your home more child-friendly!
When you don’t have kids, isn’t it crazy the things you don’t even consider? That’s a great point to move cleaning chemicals out of reach of little hands!
My mother put in real brick floors in her kitchen right around when I started having kids; I spent years paranoid I was going to drop a baby on them. So, you know, I think the fact that you’re even thinking about such things shows your awesome, welcoming hostessing skills 🙂 In general, I just kind of expect that bringing my under 2 kids anywhere (at least anywhere that doesn’t also have under 2 kids) is going to be sort of horrible and after that they generally have enough sense that I can bring them anywhere without freaking out too much
Hahaha, thanks Gretchen! Thank you for sharing your perspective – I hope I can at least make it to where bringing little ones to our home is less stressful!
I LOVE y our animal tables!! Can you tell me where you got them and any information you have on their source. Love them!!!
Hi Karen – thank you! I found these on our local Craigslist, which I know doesn’t help too much. And unfortunately, the woman selling them wasn’t able to give me any information because a friend had given them to her. As best as I can tell, they are originally from Indonesia or Thailand. Hope this helps!
Ahh as someone with no kids, I feel ya. I decorate my home for me (well us, but like your OH, he pretty much gives me carte blanche) and have been able to indulge myself wherever I like. When we had only had 2 cats, I didn’t worry much to be honest. They aren’t terribly destructive luckily (aside from Meisha who likes to pee on soft things left on the floor which is easy enough – don’t leave anything on the floor!) but once we got the pup, things changed. He destroyed a rug, my walls need painting more frequently, he’s hyper, doesn’t mind jumping on the sofa with dirty paws (my velvet!) etc. So I’ve had to come to terms with that and let things roll where I can and train him where I can. I have noticed that with kids (we have 3 neices who are here frequently), I am much more chilled than I ever thought I could be. If something gets broken (rarely but it’s happened), I don’t care. It’s just a thing at the end of the day. It can be replaced. I remember one Christmas I had the table all set beautifully (because well, I like to do that) and my neice spilled orange juice on the tablecloth. The poor thing cried, she was so distraught. All I could do was assure her it was nothing, it wasn’t important and console her tears. Because I realised in that instant, it really wasn’t. I want them to enjoy themselves, to relax and I want to do that too. So while I don’t go about kid-proofing, I might move the ‘most’ precious things to a higher shelf and that’s about it. I have realised nothing is really all that precious after all and a ‘thing’ will never be more imporant than my relationship with these amazing kids. xx
Aw, thank you for sharing, Kimberly! Yes, those precious relationships are always more important than things. I love your desire for the kids to relax and enjoy themselves too… Definitely something I will keep in mind!
Loved this post Brynne. I do have to say my kids were always pretty good and didn’t destroy much in the house. I only put my sharp coffee tables away.
Thank you Julia! I am way behind on responding to comments as you can tell… But I just wanted to say thank you for weighing in! It’s been so encouraging to hear everyone’s experiences with raising kids with beloved decorating pieces! 🙂
Ahhh my thrifting soul sister let me share my take on this situation. I have kids and have never had a “child proof” house. I mean I put away the things they could swallow or impail theirselves on, obviously, but for the most part I have just lived in my house. If it was precious to me it went up high while they were really little otherwise you accept the fact that that priceless ($1) thriftscore find might get broke, or not. As the kids grew I found it was just a matter of teaching them to respect what belongs to others, which is a good life lesson anyway. It can be harder with other peoples kids because they may live where everthing is there for their enjoyment. In those cases I just remove what I love and roll with the rest, Things get dirty, things get broke, and if your kids are tornados they may be playing outside next time 😛
I love this, Maggie! Thank you for sharing! I think I mainly need to work on the acceptance part 😉
I can very much relate to this. Like, 120%.
And there’s nothing I hate more than when someone with children comes into my home and tries to point-out how it won’t work for kids – or WORSE – brings their kids into my home and then proceeds to tell me it’s my fault if they’re kids mess with something.
I don’t walk into their homes and point-out how ugly and unbecoming piles of toys and crumbs are.
Sure, how we decorate will have to change when kids are at play, but not to the point of a style lobotomy. Instead of catering spaces exclusively to them, I’d like my children to learn to live within respectable boundaries and understand the importance of shared space.
There’s a difference between giving children carte-blanche in a space and making it so that they can draw on the walls, and saying “we share this space, time to take ownership for it too.” Call me crazy, I believe it’s doable.
That being said, I totally expect many things to break, many things to be replaced, and my love of velvet to be brought into question. BUT, those things will happen within a space I still love, that is also child friendly.
It’s a fine line to walk, for sure! Mainly what I’m taking away from all the fantastic feedback on this post is that a) I don’t need to feel bad for having a space that isn’t 100% catered to children, but b) I do need to loosen up so that children can come over without me hovering over them frantically, lol. 🙂 Thanks for sharing, Ariel!